


Song of Choice

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy wants Adam to open his eyes. He finds a way to do it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Song of Choice

He's known Adam for over a year now, and it's possible Adam is the densest guy he's ever met. It's also entirely possible he's going to make a massive fool out of himself tonight, but he can't take it any more. His heart is too empty, and his bed void of warm limbs and sly smiles. 

The fact that they haven't been playing together for ages drives him up the wall. And he honest to god can't live without hearing Adam sing. It makes his heart ache in ways he can't even describe. It's crazy. It's tearing him apart. He can't do this any more. Can't and won't. 

Tommy's speeding, but he doesn't care. He wants to get there before he chickens out. He looks at the cd on the passenger seat, the cover catching streetlights every now and then. He's going to make this clear, once and for all. No sugarcoating. 

He parks in front of Adam's house, glad to see the Mustang there. He didn't call. Adam doesn't know he's coming. _Good for him._

Tommy walks slowly to the front door, holding the cd in his left hand. He wants to turn back, but he knows he's never going to gather enough courage to do this again. He's going to do it now. Right the fuck now.

He rings the bell and waits, his stomach full of all kinds of creepy crawlies. His hands are sweating, and the cd slips a little.

It takes too long for Adam to come to the door, and Tommy starts to imagine things. There's someone with Adam. Maybe he's in the shower. Or he's been asleep the last hour or so, and he's going to be angry. 

Tommy takes a step back. He's ready to run, but before he can, the door opens. 

Adam's hair is disheveled, his face completely clean, eyes so vulnerable Tommy can't believe he came to open the door like that. 

"What if I was some loony?" Tommy asks and pushes past Adam to the hall, taking off his shoes. "You can't open your door like that."

"There's a code. You can't enter without it," Adam explains, clearly not awake enough to see anything odd about Tommy being there at one in the morning. "Friends have it."

Tommy throws his hands in the air. "You don't know everyone here. It's late. At least use the chain. And next time, wake up before you come to the door." He knows how he sounds. He knows he shouldn't be this fucking nervous, but he is. 

Adam laughs, some of the sleep falling off his face. "You sound like my mother."

Tommy looks at him, appalled. "No, I don't. She does not sound like a crazy person." He turns his back to Adam, goes to the living room because he can't take the small space any longer, can't for the life of him figure out how to be close to Adam and not jump him. 

"What's up?" Adam asks, following him. 

The house is clearly not big enough for both of them. "Nothing," he mutters because his brain has abandoned him completely. 

"You're here. Something's up."

 _Yeah, pretty soon at least._ He turns to face Adam, his heart jumping in his chest. "Um..." He looks at his hands, the Adam on the cd cover staring at him with his magical eyes. He shoves the cd at Adam's direction. "Put the tenth song on." 

The real Adam stares at him, too, his mouth open. "What?" 

"Put it on."

Adam goes to the cd player, and Tommy watches him, notices the Queen t-shirt, the striped pajama pants, and his bare feet. Adam hates wearing socks. He prefers being naked anyway. 

Tommy smiles. He knows this person. It shouldn't be so difficult. 

The song starts, and all of a sudden Tommy has no idea why he's there. 

_There he goes  
My baby walks so slow_

Adam looks at him, hands behind his back, eyes questioning. 

"I miss this," Tommy says. He has absolutely no courage left. He's glued to the spot, but it doesn't matter because Adam comes to him. 

_It isn't time, no  
But could you be m-mine_

Adam keeps his hands behind his back, but he stands so close to Tommy their toes are touching. "You don't want this," Adam says, voice low and quiet. 

"Maybe I do."

"It's all dark and light with me. I'm an impatient fucker. I don't take it well if things don't go the way I want." Adam brushes Tommy's temple with his lips. "My relationships have been fucked up. I'm on the level of a teenager when it comes to loving someone."

Tommy smiles. "I can teach you," he says. 

Adam's laugh is light and gentle. "I'm not a good student."

"I don't care." 

"You should." Adam leans closer, breathes next to Tommy's cheek, whispers in his ear, "I'm the worst possible boyfriend at the moment. I don't have any time. I'm focused on something else. I don't have much to share." 

_I'm sick of laying down alone, hey  
With this fever, fever, yeah_

"You assume too much. Who said anything about boyfriends? What if I just want to get laid?"

Adam kisses his ear. "Oh, Tommy Joe, your colors are showing. You don't want anything casual with me."

Tommy bites his lips so he won't smile. How can they talk about these things so lightly? How can Adam make him feel safe, and not at all torn apart because of the things he's saying? "You know and you're still here. I assume you like me."

"You assume correctly. Doesn't mean I'm doing anything about it." Adam's lips feel warm against his ear, his stubbled cheek slightly harsh against his own. 

_You burn me, burn me up  
Baby yea, yea_

_Baby you're mine  
Baby you're mine,  
mine,  
you're mine_

"I want this anyway. You." Tommy can only admire Adam's restraint because his hands are still behind his back and he's not doing _anything_. He knows how he makes Adam feel. He feels the same way. 

Adam is quiet for a long while, then says, "I want you to have everything. Not just bits and pieces. You deserve more."

"I'm not moving in. I have my own life, my own friends, my own music." He has kept his hands to his sides, but now, he puts them on Adam's stomach, just rests them there. "You forget that I'm the only one who's constantly there anyway. I'll be in all the parties. I'll go to all the gigs. I'll be there to record the album. Either way, I'm going to be there. Your choice."

"Why now?"

Tommy lets out a little resigned laugh. "Because I've had time to think. I miss you. Everything we did on tour. Everything we were together. Everything. I have to do this now, or I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I won't regret it if you say no, though. This is enough."

_Give you fever, fever, yeah  
Give you fever, fever, yeah_

"I thought you don't swing my way." Adam sounds surprised, like the whole thing is finally sinking in. 

"Well... things aren't always that simple. You said it yourself, maybe you're the only exception."

Adam snorts. "God, I was joking. It was all just a game. You're saying it's real now?"

"I'm saying I miss you. I don't mind that you're an immature jerk sometimes. And even if you're a busy rockstar I'm going to be busy with you."

"Fuck, Tommy... You're twisting my insides," Adam says, but he's still not moving away. "I... I wasn't expecting this."

Tommy leans closer, nuzzles Adam's neck. "I can see that. Do you want me?" And that question scares him. All that fear comes back, crushing everything on its way. He closes his eyes and fucking wishes for the first time in his life. 

Adam's arms feel like a warm blanket around him. "I'm processing. Brain-freeze. Shock. A little giddy happiness... You're incredible, you know that?"

"Am not." He hides his smile somewhere in Adam's shirt. 

"Are you serious?" 

Tommy looks up, ends up so close to Adam's mouth they're almost touching. "Look me in the eyes." Adam does. "I miss your kisses. All I want to do is see if you can kiss me differently every fucking day for the rest of my insane life. How crazy is that?"

Adam tilts his head, looks at him with evil eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You miss my kisses? I was that good, huh?" 

"Fuck you." Tommy bites his chin. "Just tell me already. The suspense is killing me."

"You know this is going to be hell of a difficult ride? I'm a massive asshole sometimes. I'm a neat freak. I'm a dominant bastard." Adam looks at him with serious eyes. 

Tommy shrugs. "I've seen you at your worst. It doesn't scare me."

Adam goes down on his knees, holds onto Tommy, hugs him. "You sure?" He sounds so small all of a sudden. "Absolutely sure?"

"I've made my choice. Make yours." Tommy strokes his hair. "I'll be here."

Adam nods. "I want to be with you." He looks up, and Tommy sees the naked honesty in his eyes. He's not scared of Adam's bad sides. He's scared of this. How open he has to be with Adam. How much he has to show of himself to someone else. He kneels too, holds on to Adam's face, stares into his eyes. "Thank you." He kisses Adam, very light, very intimate. Adam's arms feel heavy around his waist, and Adam is so warm and so strong that for a second there he panics. He made a choice. He made it before he talked with Adam. Nobody influenced him. Nobody gave him ideas. His choice. It still scares him. 

Adam doesn't try to deepen the kiss, doesn't try to take it anywhere. He's just there, in that same space with Tommy, quiet, listening. It feels good. The kiss seals something, puts a mark on him, makes him a part of someone else, and he feels it all around his body, his spine tingling. 

His knees start to hurt, but he doesn't care. He never wants this kiss to end. It's the first they share as a couple, and he wants to keep it forever. 

Adam pulls back a little, only to put some air between them. "This is the horrible part of finding someone," he says, so quiet Tommy can barely hear him. "The fear of losing them. That's why I try to be satisfied with everyone else I meet. That's why I try to fill myself with love for people in general. Losing the ones I love... It shatters me."

Tommy grabs Adam's neck with his both hands, his thumbs brushing Adam's ears. "Dummy. We've just started something, and already you fear losing me." He kisses Adam, then continues, "Life happens now. It's always just now. There's nothing else. Things happen. We deal with them as they come. But right now, this is all there is." 

The way Adam relaxes in his arms tells him that at least parts of his words have reached their destination. They are different. In many ways, Adam is much more experienced and knows more about life than he does. In some ways, Tommy is like raw material, something bright and drastic, something that shakes the core ideas Adam has of himself. They're meant to learn from each other. 

Tommy takes Adam's hand, entwines their fingers. "We can do this." 

"I know." 

_Broken Open_ starts to play, and it makes Tommy smile. _Figures._

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> The lovely @formerlydumb gave me the basic idea for this story (Tommy comes to Adam's house with his copy of FYE because he's had enough). <3


End file.
